Behind the Screen

I'm easy to read. When I'm mad, happy, whatever, people know. I've tried to hide it many times but I always fail. Or at least that's how it may seem. But I sometimes wonder: am I really showing my true emotions. I know how I feel but I also know how I should feel, how a "normal" person would feel in the same situation. I've come to realize these don't always match up. I notice this the most with movies. There are parts that are supposed to be so sad and all the other viewers are crying but I find myself smiling or even laughing. I don't think this is because I'm a heartless jerk. I understand the sorrow of the situation but for some reason I see a joyful part of it and take hold of that feeling instead. But that is in movies, you might say. True, it is just a movie. But I think sometimes movies can give us the most accurate pictures of our character. The viewer can look at a situation completely objectively. And besides, are movies so much different from real life? You might say in life people don't become superheroes or there are no centaurs or talking bees but isn't the story still the same. If you place a movie in the real world - change all the made up people and places to real ones - doesn't it still work? That is what makes movies so interesting. In some part of us we can relate. So why shouldn't movies bring out our true feelings? Or give us a more accurate picture of who we are than our own lives can?

So lets go back to the beginning. Are the emotions I'm showing outwardly really what I'm thinking on the inside? Sometimes, yes, I'm sure but I don't think always. Some expressions are impossible to control and some facial movements associated with feelings so subtle that we can't detect them, much less change them. But others we know very well. And just as we use our brains to filter our words (some of us do, anyway), we can also use our minds as a screen over our hearts.

A Brief History of the Southern Language

Hey ya'll! I'm in Georgia and absolutely love it. I think I'll break away from my traditional thoughtful blog entries this time so I can let everyone know what I've been up to these past few days at school. I successfully moved in (it only took three trips to Walmart). And I'm having a great time. The only downside is that we have to attend these really long and boring meetings to orient us to life at Toccoa. Fortunately the seats in chapel are comfortable and they dim the lights. 

The people here are so nice. I love meeting everyone and learning a little about who they are. I also like people's reactions when I say I'm from California. I do not surf but I have some vague ties to celebrities and live pretty close to Hollywood and the beach. So I guess that is pretty impressive out here. I've already made so many new friends. It is fantastic. 

The weather hasn't been too unbearable though it was pretty hot today. And it is certainly a lot stickier than what I'm used to. I feel a little like I'm walking into a slightly broken sauna. But we have air conditioning in our room so I'll live. 

I think that is about all I have to say about life in Georgia for now. Oh, I almost forgot, I am so gonna pick up an accent. I'm already saying y'all.

Hello, Goodbye

I hate goodbyes. There is no easy way to say goodbye to someone when you know you aren't going to see him again for quite some time. I've had to say way too many these past few days and it has been so hard. It made me wonder how people can make choices which force them to say goodbye frequently. Where could the good in that possibly lie? Then I remembered I made such a decision last April. At the time I didn't cosider how difficult it would be to say goodbye to all my friends and family in August with the assurance that I would see them again over Thanksgiving. But as I got closer to August 12, I began to realize what my choice of school really meant. If I really wanted to, I could have backed out. We would have lost my $200 housing deposit and I would have to figure out how to get into a school closer to home and gone through the college decision process all over again, but I could have done it. Yet I didn't. Why Not? Because at one point in time, goodbyes weren't a factor. Because way back in April I wasn't worried about what I was leaving behind but instead I looked forward to what was coming. And I knew it would be great. Having to say goodbye and leave things behind does not diminish the wonderful things in store for me this year. So maybe its not really about saying goodbye. Instead, I am saying hello. Hello to some amazing experiences and fun times. Hello to new friendships and great memories. Besides, I will see all the people I had to say goodbye to in just a few short months. I love hellos. 

Learning to Let Go

The last rays of sunlight shot up like fireworks against the darkening sky as she turned to leave this place she loved. She’d spent her whole life here, yet she knew she couldn’t stay forever. She was meant for more than that. She needed to make her own way in the world.
Fear gripped her heart as the cool, evening air brushed against her skin. She could still turn back. Return to the comfort of home. But she knew she could never live with that decision. Her mind was set. So she hopped into her car and drove away into her future. The first night stars appearing in the navy, velvet sky mirrored the newly ignited hopes and dreams in her heart.