Ocassionally I get the compelling desire to look back over my old prayer journals. This morning I did just that. I don't think "prayer journal" truly captures what these notebooks are. They are kind of like every intimate and wonderful moment I've shared with God put on paper. I have cutouts from magazines, photos, poems, songs, quotes, verses and a whole bunch of prayers recorded in these notebooks. I didn't read through everything because that would take me about a week of just reading. But what I did read amazed me.
It is so rewarding to look back over where you've been and see the amazing ways God has changed your life. These journals transported me to eighth grade when my sister was in the hospital and I didn't understand why. But now I can look back and see the positive impact that has had on our relationship and in my life. If it weren't for her collapsed lung over four years ago, I don't thnik I'd be going to Mexico in a week.
I journeyed to Freshman year - one of my most difficult times. All the people in band calling me anorexic and telling me to eat more had such a terrible affect on me. I was angry and sad and didn't know what to do. But if it hadn't been for what those people said I probably wouldn't have decided to find other friends and form such great relationships with people from church. I most likely would have stayed in band and not done yearbook which has been one of my favorite activities in high school. The most amazing thing is seeing how much my relationship with God grew through the hard time and realizing how in love with Him I was after he got me through that.
There are so many other things I could mention and I probably haven't even realized half of them yet. I know God will still use those past experiences to help me carry out His plan in the future. And I have to take a moment to just sit in amazement and love at God's feet. I've heard it said so many times before that God has a plan for me and He can use any situation for good but it is so much clearer when I can see how he has done that in my life. Given what God has done through my past, I can have faith that he is using whatever I'm going through right now to improve my future. How can I look back on where I was and not believe that? God is great.
So if you ever walk into my room and see me sitting on the floor crying with a bunch of used notebooks and old papers lying around me, there is no cause for concern. I'm just reviewing my walk with God and basking in His awesomeness.
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